Wednesday, September 28, 2011

When the Man Picks the Movie...

We all know what a chick flick is, right? Has anyone come up with a term for movies that men like? I didn’t think so.

Let’s see…last night my husband watched a newly purchased DVD. Within the first thirty seconds of the movie, a man was shot by a weapon that separated the top half of him from the bottom half. I decided to open up my laptop and play a card game. Every time I looked up at the TV, something was blowing up, some kind of weapon was being fired, or someone was having their arm/leg/head shot off.

Let’s see what we know about the typical “guy film”:

The main character never follows the rules.

They never drive station wagons or minivans.

The only women they know are hookers and strippers.

Instead of good versus evil, the plots are more about bad (but in a cool way) versus evil.

They never wear cardigan sweaters.

They have names like Gunner and Snake, never Todd or Wesley.

The dialogue is typically “Hey, %$#@&*!” “What the #@%^ do you want?” “Go ^#$% yourself!”

If a character from a chick flick showed up in a man movie, and asked the question “How does all this killing make you feel?” they would be shot in the head.

If you are to make a comment like “Which Die Hard is this? I can’t tell them apart” they will look at you like you are as dumb as a rock.

Whatever you want to call them, these man movies will always be around and they are just going to get louder and more intense. But, I have two pieces of advice. The first one, and I can’t stress this enough—is if he says “Wow! Did you see that?” you must say YES, or he will back up the movie so you can see what effect a cannon has when it is shot at a man standing four feet away. The second one is in case Spike TV is running yet another Bond marathon. Pack yourself a lunch and leave the house. Maybe you can pick up that new chick flick on DVD, play it when you get home and count the amount of seconds it takes for your man to leave the room. Hey, and while he’s up, maybe he’ll start dinner. Ha ha, we women do like our fantasies, don’t we?

8 comments:

Lizabeth said...

LOL I must have more male hormones in me! I am drawn to action movies and sci-fi's (not horror). I admit though if it's too much killing, blood and guts I don't like it. I also love a good chick flick and my husband is one of those unusual ones that doesn't love tv so I don't have to compete much! Maybe the term for a guy movie should be a "guy bomb"!!

Kerry Rossow said...

HA! This is hilarious!
Thanks for stopping by my place!
Kerry at housetalkn.blogspot.com

Elaine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Elaine said...

Guy bomb--I like that, Lizabeth! A coworker said to me "They're called action films." I argued that a movie about horse racing could be called an action film. He thought for a minute and said "If a movie has a horse in it, it's a chick flick." Gotta love men!

Wendy@~Chez~La~De~da~ said...

ROTFL Sooooo Funny!

Yep, that's how it goes! Blow something up, kill something, and a boob or two!
They throw in a weak "love story" just in case a woman is being tortured (having to watch) somewhere on her first date or something!! UGH!!!

Thanks for popping over to my blog!

~~Wendy

Pam@OurAdventuresInHomeImprovement said...

I agree! Our upstairs shakes when my husband is in the basement watching one of those movies. It's crazy. I'll stick to the chick flicks! :)

Have a great week!
Pam

The Quintessential Magpie said...

LOL! What a hoot, and yes, I know exactly what you mean. Lots and lots of loud noises and blood and guts... only the blood and guts are all smeared on the ground.

Mr. Magpie is good, however, about seeing English period pieces, so I have to give him his props. Just don't ask me to watch a blood and guts fest. Ain't gonna happen in this lifetime or the next... though I do admit to loving, "Braveheart" and "Last of the Mohicans" which my sister says is the most violent picture she's ever seen. If it's historic, I can get over myself a little. ;-)

XO,

Sheila

Jo's This and That said...

Great post! Thanks for sharing and visiting,Joann